The Perils of Broadway Fandom
by myhummelberryheart
Summary: Rachel shows Kurt fan fiction. Hummelberry friendship.


AN: otpprompts on tumblr - _Imagine your OTP finding fanfiction of themselves on the internet. Person A is not amused, but Person B thinks it's hilarious and keeps reading bits out to A to make them blush._

* * *

Kurt kept hearing Rachel snort and cackle from behind her phone one evening in their apartment. Most of the time, he would ignore his friend's usual dramatics over texts or something of the sort, but the way she kept fanning her face was getting him curious enough about what she was up to.

"I'm almost scared to ask what you're looking at," he asked. "Some sort of tawdry autobiographic from one of our favorite celebrities? Because if you're reading Miley's book before I've gotten my copy..."

"If only it were autobiographical," teased Rachel. "But no, I'm not reading Miley just yet. I've found something better."

"Oh?" said Kurt. "And what would that be?"

"One of my co-workers showed me this website where you can read fan fiction based on... well, real people. At first I was appalled, but then I found the Broadway section."

"... Broadway section? Wait, don't tell me. You found fan fiction about you."

"Not only me," smirked Rachel. She pointed at him.

"Me?" said Kurt. "Me? Who would write fan fiction about me?"

"You would be surprised. You're quite popular."

"... Do tell."

"How about I just read it to you?" said Rachel laughing. She swiped her finger across the screen a few times before clearing her throat.

"Kurt caressed the skin of his partner, running his finger across his ear. 'I can't wait to take you home tonight,' he said huskily to the man in front of him. 'You'll be doing more than _Singing in the Rain_.' Jesse swallowed hard, his-"

"OH MY GOD," yelled Kurt, reaching for Rachel's phone. "Jesse St. James? Someone freaking paired me with JESSE of all people?"

"Oh yes," giggled Rachel, enjoying every moment of Kurt's reaction. "Dozens." Kurt groaned.

"There are a few with you and Raúl Esparza."

"That's better," he muttered, going down the list on Rachel's phone. "There's you and Jesse, why am I not surprised. You and that... old guy from _Funny Girl_..."

"Kurt!" laughed Rachel. "His name is Paolo and he was really nice."

"He was still way older than you."

"And a stage veteran. He helped bring in better numbers," said Rachel. "I was a virtual unknown then." She gave Kurt a knowing look.

"If I didn't know any better Kurt Hummel, I'd say you were jealous."

"Hardly." Rachel patted his cheek.

"You're still the one I run to."

"Haha. But kudos for the Shania. I can't believe people write this stuff," said Kurt with a frown. "It's kind of weird."

"It is," said Rachel with a shrug. "But how would you police it? It'd just pop up on another website or message board." Kurt nodded, frowning. His eyes lit upon something. He wasn't sure if he was interested or...

"There's- there's..."

"Yes?" grinned Rachel.

"Us?" said Kurt, staring blankly at the screen. Rachel grabbed the phone.

"Now you're getting to the good stuff," she said, laughing. "And there's more than plenty to read."

"I don't... I don't want to know," said Kurt, shaking his head. "I saw the NC-17 ratings."

"It's not like either of us haven't done it in a bedroom at some point."

"No, please," said Kurt in a huff. "Unless there's one where I gag you with one of my scarves. Then I might be interested just to keep you from not giggling the rest of the night."

"I'm sure it exists," said Rachel with a wave of her hand as she looked at her phone. "I don't remember reading it though. My favorite is when we had sex at NYADA."

"How..."

"Kurt, our personal stories are on the Broadway blogs. We're on Wikipedia now that we're doing shows. It's not like it's private knowledge we went to school there."

"I think I need ice cream for this," muttered Kurt.

"There's a fic for that too," said Rachel in a tease. Kurt groaned loudly and went to the kitchen. Rachel found the fic and started reading a part.

"The strawberries were cold against her skin as he licked the tops of her breasts-"

"No," said Kurt, sitting down on the couch with a container of Rocky Road. He pointed a spoon at her. She noticed the tips of his ears were red. "We are not going down this road, pun not intended."

"Awww," said Rachel, trying not to giggle at her best friend's reaction. "You don't want to share me with anyone. That's sweet Kurt." He muttered into the ice cream. She took a spoonful of the ice cream with the extra spoon he had brought.

"Oooh, here's one where you let me ride you backstage at _Wicked._ That must be new..."

Kurt put down his spoon in the ice cream and buried his head in his knees. Rachel started laughing at him as she read.

"She kissed his strong jawline, ignoring the makeup they both were still wearing. Soon, his face was covered with the green powder of her own as they continued exploring each other's skin-"

"People have way too much time on their hands," said Kurt as he fanned his face. Rachel pouted her lips at him and rubbed his shoulder.

"At least you know you are well-loved," she said, which made him laugh.

"Now if only I had as much sex as I do in fan fiction."

"Well, you know, we could always take care of that," giggled Rachel. Kurt looked at her wide-eyed for a moment before taking up a pillow off the couch and hitting her with it. She squealed and curled up in a ball.

"I was just kidding Kurt!"


End file.
